Terrorist Being Tortured Using Superman 64

A CIA whistle-blower has unplugged the controller on the clandestine government agency, revealing that they are torturing high profile prisoners using an infamous Nintendo 64 game.

Our reporter met with the whistle-blower late yesterday to obtain the documents, which reveal in detail the horrific torture method which has allegedly been used on terrorists and drug cartel leaders.

The whistle-blower wisely maintained their anonymity by using the invisibility code from Goldeneye, along with their childhood email address, [email protected], to reach out to us.

The explosive documents were delivered via a Nintendo 64 game cartridge, which was protected using the latest encryption methods, and only had to be blown into a few times to get working.

The documents shed light on a previously unknown torture method for prisoners detained in the infamous Guantanamo Bay, which will be sure to shock the world at their gruesome and brutal nature.

A senior CIA agent authorised the use of Superman 64 to be used on prisoners over a 3-year period between 2016 and 2019.

Prisoners were allegedly strapped to chairs in front of the screen and hands forcibly attached to controllers during the torture.

Most broke down after a few minutes, unable to fly through the rings in the first stage.

They reportedly lay whimpering in their cells for several days after the abuse.

Experts who viewed the documents slammed the torture methods, and are calling for perpetrators to be punished.

One international law expert suggested that the perpetrators be banned from playing Cyberpunk this year.

The news spread quickly, with the President standing beside the CIA and calling for the whistle-blower to be found, putting the detective from LA Noire on the case.

However, as Detective Cole Phelps was born in the 1920’s, he is completely unfamiliar with the internet and the concept of email, and it seems unlikely that he will be able to track the whistle-blower down

IGN has said they don’t understand what the big deal is, due to the game not having a lot of water in it, rating it a 9/10.

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